
Class ^ES_X5^ 5* 



Copyright N?_j 



CORfRIGHT DEPOSrr. 






PLOTS AND PLAYWRIGHTS 



« I 4 



PLOTS AND 
PLAYWRIGHTS 



A COMEDY 



BY 



EDWARD MASSEY 



H 



n on-refer T 







BOSTON 
LITTLE, BROWN, AND COMPANY 

1917 



.^"^ 






Copyright, IQIS* 

By Edward Massey. 

Copyrighty iQi^y 

By Little, Brown, and Company. 



All rights reserved 
Published, August, 1917 



The professional and amateur stage rights of this play are strictly 
reserved by the author. Application for permission to product the play 
should be made to the Washington Square Players, Comedy Theatre, , 
New York City, 



% 



AUG 28 1917 



TYPOGRAPHY BY THE PLIMPTON PRESS, NORWOOD, MASS. U.S.A. 
PRINTED BY S. J. PARKHILL & CO., BOSTON, UASS., U.S.A. 



C!D 47665 



n.- 



FOREWORD 

Plots and Playwrights was originally produced at the 
"47 Workshop,'* Harvard University, under the direc- 
tion of Professor George P. Baker, December 14, 1915, 
with the following cast: 

Maggie Miss Lucy Wright 

Casper Gay Mr. Lewis Beach 

Joseph Hastings Mr. G. Rivera 

Mrs. Hammond Miss Mary Ella Ball 

Tom Burch Mr. Robert Tannahill 

Molly Hammond Miss Eleanor Hinkley 

Frank Devoy Mr. A. P. Archer 

Alice Merriam Miss Frederica Gilbert 

Bessie Dodge Miss Ruth Delano 

Edme Jackes Miss Ruth Fielding 

Dick Griffiths Mr. Robert Longyear 

William Lloyd Mr. Harry Lucas 

Sidney GrijQfiths Mr. Charles Mather 

Bob Douglas Mr. Norman Clark 

The Waiter Mr. Wright McCormick 

The Two Policemen . . Mr. Madigan and Mr. Wolff 

It was subsequently produced by the Washington 
Square Players, at the Comedy Theatre, New York 
City, on March 21, 1917. 



PLOTS AND PLAYWRIGHTS 



CHARACTERS 

(Arranged in order of their appearance) 

Casper Gay 

Maggie 

Joseph Hastings 

Mrs. Hammond 

Tom Burch 

Molly Hammond 

Frank Devoy 

Alice Merriam 

Bessie Dodge 

Edme Jackes 

William Lloyd 

Dick Griffiths 

Sidney Griffiths 

Bob Douglas 

A Waiter and Two Policemen 



PROLOGUE 

The scene is the front of a house on West Eleventh Street, 
New York City — a three-story building exactly like all 
the other houses in the block. It is about nine p.m., so the 
street is dark, and the house does not show up distinctly. 
A flight of steps leads to the front door and vestibule, and 
there is a light burning in the hall, for it can be seen through 
the glass of the door. Off stage a hurdy-gurdy is heard. 

Casper Gay comes unsteadily along the street — a chubby, 
self-satisfied man. He wears evening clothes, a dark over- 
coat, white muffler, and a silk hat. He is slightly intoxi- 
cated, and looks much worried. He pauses by the steps, 
surveys the house, comes to a decision, and then mounts the 
steps. He rings the doorbell. 

Maggie opens the door. She is an Amazonian servant, 
CASPER (politely) 

Good evening. 

MAGGIE 

Yes, sir? 

CASPER 

How do you do. 

MAGGIE 

What do you want? 

CASPER 

Inspiration, my good girl, I'm looking for an inspira- 
tion. 

MAGGIE 

A what? 

CASPER 

An inspiration — comedy, tragedy, romance. 



4 PLOTS AND PLAYWRIGHTS 

MAGGIE 

Young man, this is a respectable house. 
^She shuts the door. 

CASPER 

Dear me, how very annoying. (Descending steps) 
What shall I do, what shall I do? (He reaches the 
foot of the steps and lands in the arms of a young man — 
Joseph Hastings) My dear sir, can you give me an 
inspiration? 
HASTINGS (amused) 

I*m afraid not. (Tries to pass) Will you excuse me? 

CASPER 

Oh, you must help me. I'm in great trouble. 

HASTINGS 

Trouble? 

CASPER 

But it's no use, you wouldn't understand. Nobody 
can appreciate the troubles of an ausher. 

HASTINGS 

Why, are you an author? 
Casper 
Am I an ausher? My dear fellow, I wrote "Sinfully 
Rich." 

HASTINGS 

Good Heavens! You're not Casper Gay, the Casper 
Gay? 

CASPER 

That's me. 

HASTINGS 

Are you the dollar dramatist, the great Broadway 
playwright? 



PLOTS AND PLAYWRIGHTS 



CASPER 

Yes, indeed. 

HASTINGS 

Well, this is most interesting. Whatever brings you 
to this part of West Eleventh Street? 

CASPER 

Do you write plays? 

HASTINGS 

No — short stories. 

CASPER 

Then it's all right. I can talk to you. What's your 
name? 

HASTINGS 

Hastings, Joseph Hastings. 

CASPER 

Mr. Hastings, I'm walking the streets in sheer 
desperation. 

HASTINGS 

What's the matter? 

CASPER 

A manager 'phoned me he must have a play. And 
I — Casper Gay — must write it — in just one month. 

HASTINGS 

Well? 

CASPER 

I can't get started. 

HASTINGS 

What! 

CASPER 

I've got nothing to write about. I need some ma- 
terial to start with. 



6 PLOTS AND PLAYWRIGHTS 

HASTINGS 

You don't have to search through this city for ma- 
terial. Look about you, man, look about you. 
CASPER (does so) 
Nothing. 

HASTINGS 

You're wrong there. Any street in this city can 
serve you. What's more, take this particular street, 
and any house in the block will do. 

CASPER 

They're ugly houses. 

HASTINGS 

Maybe, but you'll find they're chock full of material. 

CASPER 

I don't believe it. 

HASTINGS 

Look at this one here. It's a lodging house, of 
course, like all the others. Now I'll bet you there's 
a play on every floor of that house, 

CASPER 

Not a real play. 

HASTINGS 

I tell you there is. 

CASPER 

Nonsense. 

HASTINGS 

But it's true. 

CASPER 

No, no — you can't get drama that way. 

HASTINGS 

Why not? 



PLOTS AND PLAYWRIGHTS 



CASPER ^ 

These people are nobodies. There is no drama in 
nobodies. 

HASTINGS 

You Times Square dramatist! It's up to me to 

show you you're wrong. 

^He runs up the steps and rings bell, 

CASPER 

What's that? 

HASTINGS 

I'm going to prove my theory. 
^Maggie appears, 

BIAGGIE 

Well? 

HASTINGS 

I want a room. Can I get one here? 

MAGGIE 

Why, yes. (Sees Casper) Is it for that swell, too? 

HASTINGS 

No, a single room. It's for myself. 

MAGGIE 

Just a minute till I see the lady of the house. 
^She goes. 

HASTINGS 

Now you'll have to admit I'm right. 

CASPER 

What are you going to do? 

HASTINGS 

Show you there's a drama on every floor of this 
house. 

CASPER 

How? 



8 PLOTS AND PLAYWRIGHTS 

HASTINGS 

. I'll write a play to prove it. {Casper exclaims) 
Where can I reach you? 

CASPER 

The Authors' Club, of course. 

HASTINGS 

Good. You'll be hearing from me before long. 

CASPER 

But you can't write plays. 

HASTINGS 

Why not? 

CASPER 

You're a short story writer. 

HASTINGS 

Is that so? Just you wait and see. 

^e enters the house, and the stage is darkened. The 

hurdy-gurdy starts playing. 

CURTAIN 

The intermission between the Prologue and Part I 
should be as brief as possible. 



PART I 

Scene I. THE FIRST FLOOR. 

The room is the first floor front of the house seen in the 
introduction. The house is an old one, and at one time 
fulfilled a destiny higher in the social scale. So there 
is a high ceiling vnth a heavily decorated gas chande- 
lier hanging from the center, and the wall paper is dark 
and faded. The furniture is a combination of cheap new 
chairs and heavy old pieces — all very hideous. The win- 
dows are on the left, a door at back leads to the hall, and 
there is another door right. 

Bed and wardrobe at back, small table up front on the 
right, large table and chairs, center.^ 

When the curtain rises it is evening, and the chandelier 
is lit. The center table is covered with a white tablecloth 
and laid for supper — unth two places. There is also a 
small vase of flowers. On the side table there is an alco- 
hol stove, not yet lighted, and other preparations for supper. 

Mrs. Hammond is fussing round the center table. She is 
a motherly old woman vnth white hair. Is dressed cheaply, 
but looks neat. She hums to herself as she fusses away. 

There is a knock on the door. It opens at once, and 
Maggie appears. She carries a parcel done up in paper. 
Mrs. Hammond turns round with a little start. 

* The same set should be used for all the boarding-house scenes. 
The rooms can be differentiated by changing the pictures and the 
furniture. This is desirable so that the intermissions between the 
scenes shall be as brief as possible, and also because the arrange- 
ment of the rooms would be similar. 



10 PLOTS AND PLAYWRIGHTS 

MAGGIE 

Now what did you jump for? 

MRS. HAMMOND 

I knew it wasn't her — I know she couldn't get here 
so soon — I guess it's 'cause I'm all worked up. 

MAGGIE 

You're wrong to get excited like this. 

MRS. HAMMOND 

It ain't often, Maggie. But my little girl's been 
away for a long time now. 
MAGGIE {handing her the parcel) 
Here's your meat come at last. 

MRS. HAMMOND 

Thank you. 

\[She crosses to the side table and unwraps the parcel 

there. 

MAGGIE 

Miss Purcell wants you to be careful with that alcohol 
stove. 

MRS. HAMMOND 

I won't put this on till Molly comes. I've some soup 
to warm first. 

MAGGIE 

Miss Purcell don't like her lodgers to use them things. 

MRS. HAMMOND 

I'll be real careful. But I told Miss Purcell Molly 
was comin' home to me, and I wanted to cook supper 
for her — just as a kind of surprise. 

MAGGIE 

I guess she'll be finding us quiet here, after traveling 
around with those show folks. 



PLOTS AND PLAYWRIGHTS 11 

MRS. HAMMOND 

I want her to rest for a while. 

MAGGIE 

We had some actresses stay here once. They was 
working at a theater down on Seventh Avenue. But 
Miss Purcell didn't Hke them — they stayed in bed 
all day. 

MRS. HAMMOND 

You'll be sure and thank her for me, Maggie. 

MAGGIE 

Oh, Miss Purcell don't mind favorin' you, ma'am. 
It's them as don't pay their rent that she's down on. 
^A knock on door, and Tom Burch puts his head in. He 
is a plain looking fellow of twenty-eight, but is always 
smiling and good-natured. He wears the uniform of a 
street-car conductor. 

TOM 

Good evening to ye. 

MRS. HAMMOND 

Come in, Tom Burch, and how are you? 

TOM 

I thought I'd drop in on my way to work. 

MAGGIE 

Don't be you bothering her, Mr. Tom. She's a bit 
nervous. 

MRS. HAMMOND 

Oh, Maggie! 

MAGGIE 

I'm looking after you, ma'am, and I don't want him 
to talk you to death. 

MRS. HAMMOND 

I'm all right, Maggie. 



12 PLOTS AND PLAYWRIGHTS 

MAGGIE 

Well, when you get tired, you just call for me, 
[They laugh and she goes out. 

TOM 

Why, what's up? 

MRS. HAMMOND 

You see, Molly's coming home to-night. 

TOM 

You don't say so. When does she get here? 

MRS. HAMMOND 

Her train gets to the Grand Central at 5.20. What 
time is it now, Tom? 

TOM 

Five minutes to six. 
MRS. HAMMOND (going to window) 
I wonder what could be keeping her. 

TOM 

Them trains is always late. Won't you be having 
the fine time now. 

MRS. HAMMOND 

It seems so wonderful. Oh, Tom, isn't your Ma glad 
when you go up to see her. 

TOM 

Sometimes. But you see there's so many of us. 

MRS. HAMMOND 

It's been awful hard to see her growing up and grow- 
ing away from me. I often pray tliat she was little 
again. (Smiling ) I'm cooking all the tilings she 
likes, but I don't know what she'll think of her Ma's 
cooking. 

TOM 

Believe me, she ain't had nothing like it. 



PLOTS AND PLAYWRIGHTS 13 

MRS. HAMMOND 

It'll be SO different when she's here. She'll brighten 
the place up. 

TOM 

Well, I've got to be getting along now. I'll look in 
and see Molly to-morrow. 

MRS. HAMMOND 

Do you have to work on the cars all night? 

TOM 

Yes, indeed. It's a sweet job. They've moved me 
over to the Banana Line. 

MRS. HAMMOND 

Banana Line? 

TOM 

That's what they call it. The cars run in bunches. 
(Maggie opens the door) It's all right, Maggie. I'm 
going of me own accord. (He goes) 
MAGGIE (Entering) 

Now don't get wrought up. Mis' Hammond, but I 
think she's come. 

MRS. HAMMOND 

What! 

MAGGIE 

There's a taxi just stopped outside. 

MRS. HAMMOND 

A taxi? Molly wouldn't take a taxi. 

MAGGIE 

Well, I saw a young lady get out. I'm on my way 

down now. 

^She goes. 

Mrs. Hammond trembles with joy, hurries to the windmo, 

and looks out. She exclaims happily, and taps on the 



14 PLOTS AND PLAYWRIGHTS 

glass. She crosses to side tablcy lights the stove^ and puts 
on the saucepan of soup. Then she turns towards the 
door, trembling so she can hardly reach it. 
Molly opens the door. She is twenty-four; typical in 
dress and manner of the three-a-day vaudeville actress. 
MOLLY {running to meet her mother) 

Mother, Mother, my own sweet mother. 

MRS. HAMMOND 

[^Tries to speak but cannot. She takes Molly in her 
arms and hugs her closely. Then she releases her. 
Oh, I've been so anxious. Was yom* train late? 

MOLLY 

We were on time, but some friends kept me at the 
station. 

MRS. HAMMOND 

Take off your things and sit down. Supper'll soon be 
ready. Oh, I got so much to ask you. Did you have 
your trunk checked? 

MOLLY 

I thought I'd better wait till my plans were more 
certain. 
MRS. HAMMOND {fear in her voice) 

You're going to stay home, aren't you? 

MOLLY 

I'll be here a week, anyway. I'll tell you all about it, 
only wait till I get Frank. 

MRS. HAMMOND 

Frank? 

MOLLY 

I left him down in the hall. {Calls) Oh, Frank, 
come on up ! 



PLOTS AND PLAYWRIGHTS 15 

FRANK 

All right. What will I do with the bags? 

MOLLY 

Bring them up. {To Mrs. Hammond) Didn't I 
ever write you about Frank? 

MRS. HAMMOND 

No. 

MOLLY 

That's funny. 

MRS. HAMMOND 

You're not — you're not engaged to him. 

MOLLY 

Engaged to that Brooklyn hick! I should say not. 
^Frank Devoy appears, carrying a hat box and two suit- 
cases, a long young man with sleeky hair and other ear- 
marks of the vaudeville profession, 

MOLLY 

For heaven's sake, put those things down and come 
here. (He does so) I want you to meet my mother, 
This is Mr. Devoy. 

MRS. HAMMOND 

I am pleased to meet you. 

FRANK 

How d'ye do, Madame? This is a great honor. 

MOLLY 

How much was the taxi? 

FRANK 

Two-fifty. 

MOLLY 

Gee, didn't he soak you! 

MRS. HAMMOND 

You came in a taxi? 



16 PLOTS AND PLAYWRIGHTS 

FRANK 

We had to — such a fierce rush, you know. 

MOLLY 

Frank met me at the station. I*m here to rehearse 
with him. 

MRS. HAMMOND 

I thought you was going to stay home. 

MOLLY 

Now sit down, Mama, and I'll tell you all about it. 
I didn't have time to write. Can you find a chair, 
Frank? (Frank balances himself on one of the suit- 
cases) You got my telegram? 

MRS. HAMMOND 

Oh, yes, it came yesterday evening. Maggie brought 
it up to me. 

MOLLY 

I expected to stay home and rest, but this chance 
came, and it's too good to miss, isn't it, Frank? 

FRANK 

Yes'm. 

MOLLY 

You see, Frank's on Loew time. That's the three-a- 
day vaudeville. Mama. He does a song and dance 
act with Margie Norton — she's Mrs. Heely now, but 
Devoy and Norton's what they call the team. 

MRS. HAMMOND 

You're an actor too, Mr. Devoy? 

FRANK 

Yes'm. Society acts. 

MOLLY 

And Norton had to quit, didn't she, Frank? 



PLOTS AND PLAYWRIGHTS 17 

FRANK 

Yes, you see her husband — 

MRS. HAMMOND 

He don't want her to act? 

FRANK 

He don't mind, but she's going to have her third. 

MRS. HAMMOND 

Oh! 

MOLLY 

Of course that lays her off for the season — 

FRANK 

And she never warned me. 

MOLLY 

No. Frank had booked up a six month's tour — and 
of course he didn't want to give that up. 

FRANK 

Why should I? Norton's the rotten half of the team. 

MOLLY 

So he wrote to me, and asked me to take her place. 
They played Boston last week, and I saw the act. 
Now I'm to rehearse with Frank, and then I'll be 
ready to step in. Margie'U hold out this week, 
won't she? 

FRANK 

She's good for a fortnight, but Heely don't take 
chances. 

MOLLY 

Isn't it great for me. Mama. We're going right out 
to the Coast. 

FRANK 

It's a grand little place, 'Frisco is; ever been there, 
Mrs. Hammond? 



18 PLOTS AND PLAYWRIGHTS 

MRS. HAMMOND {out of the Conversation and very uncom- 
fortable) 
No, sir, I ain't gone much outside of New York. 

FRANK 

Well, 'Frisco's got 'em all beat. We'll take you to 
see Chinatown, Moll. 

MOLLY 

I bet it's swell. 

FRANK 

And Chicago. Oh, that College Inn ! 

MRS. HAMMOND 

Do you think you ought to go? It's an awful long 
ways. 

MOLLY 

Why, Mama, it's the chance of my life. 

MRS. HAMMOND 

I guess you know best, dear — 
[^She is silent. 
MOLLY {breaks pause) 

Oh, say — I ain't going to wear a white dress in that 
last number. 

FRANK 

Why not — Margie always does. 

MOLLY 

'Cause I've picked out a swell gown in pink. 

FRANK 

What do you want to do? Queer the act? 

MOLLY 

How? 

FRANK 

I wear a green suit — pink and green : say, that'll be 
grand; that'll make a hit. 



PLOTS AND PLAYWRIGHTS 19 

MRS. HAMMOND {trying again) 

Haven't you got a white dress, Molly? 

MOLLY {decisively) 
It's all right. Ma. I'll dress my half of the act in 
my own way. 

FRANK 

Say, who the — {He breaks off) Oh, I beg your 
pardon, Ma'am. {Then in slight embarrassment) If 
we're going to meet Norton and Tad at Churchill's, 
we've got to hustle. 

MRS. HAMMOND 

Ain't you going to stay to supper now? We'd be 
glad to have you, Mr. Devoy. 

MOLLY 

Sorry, we can't. Ma. I made this date in Boston. 

MRS. HAMMOND 

But it's your first night home. 

MOLLY 

We're awful late now, but I told Frank I had to come 
and see you first. {Hugging her) Dear old Momsie. 
What's the time, Frank? 

FRANK 

Six-thirty. Honest, we ought to go. 

MOLLY 

Go out and hustle up a taxi. You may have to 
'phone. 

FRANK 

You'd better come with me. It'll save time. 

MOLLY 

All right. 

FRANK 

Good night, ma'am. 



20 PLOTS AND PLAYWRIGHTS 

MRS. HAMMOND 

Good night, sir. 

FEIANK 

I'm charmed to have met you. 

\JIe goes, 

MOLLY 

Good-by, dear old Ma. {Kisses her) It's so good 
to be home. I'm sorry I got to go out, but I'll be 
in early — not later than ten or haK-past. Good-by. 

l^She follows Frank. 

MRS. HAMMOND 

Good-by, my dearest. 

l^The door has been left open. Alice Merriam comes 

upstairs and passes along the hall. 
MAGGIE {calls up to her) 

Oh, Miss Merriam, Miss Merriam. 
ALICE {leaning over the balustrade) 

Yes, Maggie? 

MAGGIE 

There's a letter for you in the hall. 
ALICE {waving the letter) 
1 got it, thank you. 
[^She goes upstairs. 

\^Mrs. Hammond crosses the room and shuts the door. 
She goes to side table^ takes up a plate, Jills it with soup 
and carries it to the large table. She sits down, and 
begins her supper. The hurdy-gurdy plays, 

CURTAIN 



Scene II. THE SECOND FLOOR 

The second floor front is very much the same as the 
room below it. The windows are at left, the door at back 
leads to the hall, and a door to the right to an adjoining 
room. 

A dresser and chair between the windows; sofa and ward- 
robe at back, bed on the right, and round table and chairs 
at center. 

Alice Merriam enters at once from the hall. She is 
reading her letter. 

Alice is about twenty-eight; medium-sized, not very good 
looking. She wears a neat tailor-made suit and shirt- 
waist. She carries a sketch book. She comes to the 
center table, lays down the book, and then removes her coat 
and hat. She brings an alcohol stove from the wardrobe 
and lights it. Then she returns to her letter. 

Bessie Dodge enters from the right. She is wearing a 
kimono instead of a dress. She has Forty-Second Street 
mannerisms and naturally has acquired the very latest 
style in doing up her hair. She is twenty-five, but wouldnH 
admit to it, 

BESSIE 

Who is he? 

ALICE 

You're all wrong, Bessie. It's from Morrisburg — 
from my father. 
BESSIE (disappointed) 
Oh! (She sits down and starts to manicure her nails) 



22 PLOTS AND PLAYWRIGHTS 

Where on earth have you been Alice? You're awful 
late. 
ALICE {looks at watch) 
It's only half-past six. 

BESSIE 

I suppose you've had your supper. 

ALICE 

Yes, I stopped off at Child's. 

BESSIE 

I knew it. And I came straight from the oflBce. 

ALICE 

I'm sorry. Where's Edme? 

BESSIE 

Not home yet. 

ALICE 

You can wait for her. 

BESSIE 

Oh, she'll stop off for her supper too. You girls are 
bound I'll eat alone. 

ALICE 

Are you going out to-night? 

BESSIE 

Yep! 

ALICE 

You know, it's disgraceful, Bessie. You've been out 
every night this week. 

BESSIE 

Well, why not? I'm working from eight to six. If 
I had the easy time you do — 
ALICE (laughs) 
Easy time! 



PLOTS AND PLAYWRIGHTS 23 

BESSIE 

Sit down and draw the Venus de Milo ad lib — that's 
not work. Now, I'm kept busy at the office, and 
when I get away, it's the bright lights for little Bessie. 

ALICE 

Any one who comes home at 4 a.m. ! 
BESSIE (sarcastic) 

Oh, did I disturb you this morning? 

ALICE 

I heard you. 

BESSIE 

I tried to be quiet. Edme slept like a rock. 

ALICE 

Where were you? 

BESSIE 

I had a swell time — party of fellows from Pittsburgh 
— Ella Fisher brought them round. They had a car, 
and we went way up the Hudson. 

ALICE 

Were you riding all night? 

BESSIE 

Oh, no. Went to the Winter Garden first — and 
Churchill's. 

ALICE 

I don't see how you're fit for work. 

BESSIE 

It never annoys me. Nice party! One of them's 
coming to take me out again, and I can't remember 
his name. 

ALICE 

Good gracious! 



24 PLOTS AND PLAYWRIGHTS 

BESSIE 

Here's something for you, Alice. Did you ever hear 
of a Chaste Minerva? 

ALICE 

A what? 

BESSIE 

I knew you hadn't. It's a new drink — One of the 
fellows mixed it for me last night. I wasn't so crazy 
about the drink, but it's got a classy name, hasn't it? 

ALICE 

Very. 

BESSIE 

And it was a classy party too — they were regular 
fellows — lots of money — 

ALICE 

I don't see how you can go on parties like that, 
Bessie. It's so dreadfully vulgar. 

BESSIE 

Now don't talk like that to me. There's some of the 
girls in our office — " Go out with a fellow — my 
goodness, the very idea!" It makes them shudder. 
Well — I ride off to Shanley's and have a good time. 
They go down to a dairy lunch and flirt with the 
cashier so they won't have to pay their check. That 
sort of thing makes me sick! 

ALICE 

You'll never see it in my way. 

BESSIE 

I'm out to have a good time. And voilay qu^est que 
c*est — 



PLOTS AND PLAYWRIGHTS 25 

ALICE (smiles) 

You don't understand. But it's such a wild extrava- 
gant way of living — 

BESSIE 

Extravagant! Think of all the meals I get for 
nothing. 

ALICE 

I don't mean that — 

BESSIE 

And speaking of food. Will you make me a cup of 
coffee? I certainly can't last till supper, and I don't 
want to go out and eat alone. 

ALICE 

All right, but suppose Maggie catches us — 

BESSIE 

We should be annoyed by Maggie. 
{_Alice goes to wardrobe and brings back a tin of coffee 
and a bag of sugar. 
BESSIE (sitting by table) 
What did you do to-day.? 

ALICE 

I went to the Museum. 

BESSIE 

My goodness, did you enjoy the antiques? 

ALICE 

Not to-day. I put all my time in on the Japanese 
Department. They have some gorgeous screens 
there. 

BESSIE 

Well, I wish I had some of your leisure time. You 
make me and my regular hours look sick. 



26 PLOTS AND PLAYWRIGHTS 

ALICE 

I was sketching — 
BESSIE (looking at sketch book) 
Did you draw these broken up gentlemen? 

ALICE 

No, that's class-work. 

BESSIE 

They're kind of sick-looking, aren't they? Ha- 
ha-ha. What do you call this one? Ready for 
the plunge — 

ALICE 

Oh, goodness — 

BESSIE 

This stuff ought to make a hit with the Morrisburg 
Johns; but (has an idea) say, Alice, why don't you 
do magazine covers. 

ALICE 

I wish I could. 

BESSIE 

There's a lot of money in it. 

ALICE 

I know there is, but not for me — 

BESSIE 

Why not? 

ALICE 

Because I'm a failure, Bessie, I can't do anything. I 
don't know why I ever thought I could draw. 

BESSIE 

Why, Alice! 

ALICE 

Oh, up in Morrisburg, I was all right — but down 
here. — Well, when I see what the others are doing. 



PLOTS AND PLAYWRIGHTS 27 

and compare it with my work — it's pretty dis- 
couraging. 

BESSIE 

Why, your drawings are real good. I like them. 

ALICE 

And I went away to show them what I could do. I 
can't go back a failure. 

BESSIE 

Look out, that's boiling. Gee, I'm sorry. 
ALICE (laughs) 

Thanks. Don't worry, Bessie, I'll peg away this 
year, and see what comes of it. — Got the coffee in 
your cup.f* 

BESSIE 

Yes, Ma'am. 

ALICE 

Steady, then. (Pours the water into cup) Want some 
crackers? 

BESSIE 

The coffee'U do. I'm going out to supper. 

ALICE 

You can make it up then. 

BESSIE 

I wish I could, but to-day's Friday. 

ALICE 

Friday? 

BESSIE 

Yes — I'll have to eat lobster. 

^Maggie knocks on the hall door and immediately enters. 

MAGGIE 

Is Miss Edmy here? I've got a message for her. 



28 PLOTS AND PLAYWRIGHTS 

BESSIE 

She hasn't come in yet. 

l^Maggie's eyes have lighted on the alcohol stove, 

MAGGIE 

Now, Miss Merriam. You know perfectly well that 
Miss Purcell don't allow them stoves in the house. 

ALICE 

We're very careful. There! 
[^She puts out flame. 

MAGGIE 

You may be careful just so many times, and the next 
time you'll be caught. 

BESSIE 

Do you want us to cook over the gas jet? 

MAGGIE 

There ain't no call to do your cooking here. 

BESSIE 

Well, Miss Purcell's got no kick coming. We pay 
regular. 

MAGGIE 

That may be. Miss, but we have to stand a great 
deal from our lodgers. Miss Purcell don't like the 
hours you keep, and she don't like the way you say 
good night to your young men. 

BESSIE 

You tell Miss Purcell to mind her own business. 

MAGGIE 

If you've any complaints to make, take them to Miss 
Purcell yourself. But I should think. Miss Bessie, 
that you'd like to set a better example — now that 
Miss Edme has a young gentleman. 
^She flounces out. 



PLOTS AND PLAYWRIGHTS 29 

BESSIE 

You know some day I'll forget I'm a lady. 

ALICE 

She should know her place better. 

BESSIE 

Well, she hit me hard, all right. And so I should set 
an example to Miss Edme {mimicking) now that she's 
got a young gentleman. She's always telling me I'm 
a bad example for the kid. 

ALICE 

Poor httle Edme. 

BESSIE 

Edme with a fellow! Ha-ha-ha, that's funny. 

ALICE 

But Edme doesn't . know a soul. (Bessie suddenly 
stops laughing. Alice looks up) Does she.f* 

BESSIE 

Holy St. Michael! Say AUce — Maggie's right. I 
bet that kid's gone and put one over on us. 

ALICE 

Edme? 

BESSIE 

Yes, Edme. Of course she's got a fellow. That's 
what's been on her mind for the last two weeks. 
That's why she's been moping round the room. 

ALICE 

She's been a little paler than usual. 

BESSIE 

Love-sick, my dear. 

ALICE 

But Edme is a child. Oh, it would be dreadful — 
Who is he? Where did she meet him? 



30 PLOTS AND PLAYWRIGHTS 

BESSIE 

That's just what we've got to find out. • 

ALICE 

I'm so fond of Edme. 

BESSIE 

No more than I am. I wouldn't see her in trouble 

for the world. 

[Edme enters right. A 'pretty little girl of seventeen. 

She carries a large hat bag, which she keeps behind her 

back, 

EDME 

Hello, Bessie. 

BESSIE 

When did you get in, you little buzzer? 

EDME 

About five minutes ago. Good evening, Alice. 

ALICE 

Hello, Edme. 

BESSIE 

What made you so late? 

EDME 

I had supper before I came home. 

BESSIE 

It's way after seven. 

EDME 

But I went shopping, too! 

ALICE 

Shopping? 

EDME 

Wait just one second. 

{^She dances over to the bureau, produces a hat from the 

bag, and puts it on. 



PLOTS AND PLAYWRIGHTS 31 

ALICE {quickly) 
Do you think she heard us? 

BESSIE 

No, not a word. 

\_Edme dances hack again. Her hat is very fetching — 

hut very extreme. 

BESSIE 

Look at the hat! 

ALICE 

My goodness! 

EDME 

Do you hke it? Do you think it suits me? 

BESSIE 

Oh, it's perfectly darHng! Where on earth did you 
get it? 

EDME 

I hke it, I think it's lovely. Do you like it, Alice? 

ALICE 

Isn't it rather too old for you? 

EDME 

Oh, no, indeed. You don't like it. 

ALICE 

Oh, no, I didn't mean that. 

BESSIE 

I think it's adorable. And you're a darling. 

ALICE 

Where'd you get it? 

EDME 

A shop on Sixth Avenue — it was in the window. 

ALICE 

Straymayer's — he's having a sale. 



32 PLOTS AND PLAYWRIGHTS 

EDME 

That's the place. It was only $2.47. 

BESSIE 

$2.47. I don't believe you. 

EDME 

Yes. They're selling out — 

BESSIE 

$2.47! Why, it looks like a regular creation, doesn't 
it, Ahce? 

ALICE 

Yes, I'm afraid it does — 
EDME {taking off the hat and looking at it) 

I thought it suited me — just as soon as I saw it. 

ALICE 

We want to talk to you. 
EDME {putting her hat on the table) 
I can't stay long, I may be going out. 

BESSIE 

Where are you going? 

EDME 

I don't know. 

BESSIE 

Didn't he tell you? 

EDME 

I don't understand. 

BESSIE 

Oh, we know all about him, only we want to know 
his name. {Edme gives her a look of surprise) 
Don't look like that. Maggie told us. 

ALICE 

We want to help you, dear. We're older than you 
and can advise you. 



PLOTS AND PLAYWRIGHTS 33 

EDMB 

I don't want advice. 

BESSIE 

Who is he? 

ALICE 

Please tell us, dear. 

EDME 

I don't know what you mean. 

BESSIE 

Come on, tell us the mutt's name. 

EDME 

Oh, he's not; he's very nice — 

BESSIE 

There you are! These innocents! 

ALICE 

And you never told us — • 

BESSIE 

I'm very much hurt. 

\[Turns away and pretends to be angry. 

EDME 

I'm very sorry, I'm awfully sorry. I would have 
told you, Bessie, only then everybody would have 
known. I wanted it to be a secret. Maggie knew, 
'cause she saw him bring me home, but I didn't think 
she'd tell. It was real mean of her. 

BESSIE 

Come and tell us about him? We don't know a 
thing. 

EDME 

You won't tease me? 

ALICE 

Of course we won't. 



34 PLOTS AND PLAYWRIGHTS 

EDME 

He — well, he's coming to take me out to-night. 

BESSIE 

What's his name? 

EDME 

Roy — Roy Wetherton; isn't it a nice name? 

ALICE 

Beautiful ! 

EDME 

And he took me to the Strand, and we saw Mary 
Pickford in a lovely picture. Oh, I think she's a 
darUng — 

BESSIE 

Cut the movies, and tell us about the fellow. How 
old is he? 

EDME (rapturously) 
Eighteen. 

ALICE 

Babes in the Wood! 

BESSIE 

That's good. I thought you might have fallen for 
one of these oily-haired floorwalkers. 

EDME 

Bessie ! 

BESSIE 

What does he do? Does he work in your store? 

EDME 

Oh, no, his father's a lawyer. 

BESSIE 

What! 



PLOTS AND PLAYWRIGHTS 35 

EDME 

And Roy's going to college next year — that is, if he 
can pass his examinations. 

ALICE 

What was his name? 

EDME 

Roy? 

ALICE 

Yes. 

EDME 

Roy Wetherton. 

ALICE 

Is his father the Wetherton of Wetherton and Bond? 

BESSIE 

Do you know him, Alice? 

ALICE 

I've heard of him — a well-known firm. 

BESSIE 

Rich? 

ALICE 

Very. An only son. 

EDME 

That's Roy. 

ALICE 

Good gracious, child. 

BESSIE 

Well, I must hand it to you. Where did you meet 
him? 

EDME 

He came in the store one day to buy candy, and he 
saw me; I wasn't serving sodas then, 'I was only 
washing the glasses. 



36 PLOTS AND PLAYWRIGHTS 

BESSIE 

WeU — 

EDME 

After that he came in every day and had a soda, and 
one day he asked me for a glass of water, and one 
evening he waited till I came out, and — and I let 
him take me home. 
[^She is fussed, 

BESSIE 

Oh, you funny kid! 

EDME 

I used to be very lonely, and you go out so much, and 
AUce is always busy. I wanted to go out, too. 

BESSIE 

Why on earth didn't you tell us? I'd be real glad to 
hear you'd got some one to take you round, but 
honestly, hon', I don't think this fellow will do you 
much good. 

EDME 

Roy is awfully nice. I don't know why you say that. 

ALICE 

Let me talk to her, Bessie. I think I can explain — 

BESSIE 

Better than I can, anyway. And I want to get my 
dress on. I don't mind keeping a fellow waiting; 
still, when he's got a car — 
[^She goes right, 

ALICE 

Now, dear — 

EDME 

I don't want advice. 
[Gets up. 



PLOTS AND PLAYWRIGHTS 37 

ALICE 

I just want to talk to you. Please sit down. 
EDME {settles herself on the bed, pouting) 
I knew you'd all scold if I told you. 

ALICE 

You know, Edme, just as well as I do, that you 
shouldn't have spoken to that boy. 

EDME 

I couldn't help it. He asked me for a drink of water. 

ALICE 

But you shouldn't have let it go any further? 

EDME 

I liked his looks. 

ALICE 

My dear, it's not respectable; you didn't know the 
boy. 

EDME 

I know him now. 

ALICE 

And Roy and you move in different circles. 

EDME 

Roy doesn't mind that. 

ALICE 

But, my dear, his parents do. His father is a promi- 
nent man — and he wouldn't want his son to go about 
with a shopgirl. 

EDME 

He hasn't told them about me. 

ALICE 

And do you think it's nice to go out with a boy you 
can't meet on his own level — who has to slip away 



38 PLOTS AND PLAYWRIGHTS 

from home every time he wishes to see you. Just 
now it amuses him to take you out, and he will go to 
some trouble to accomplish it. But by and by the 
novelty will wear off, and what will you do then, 
dearest.? 

EDME 

Roy's going to marry me — as soon as he's of age. 

ALICE 

Edme, child, are you silly enough to believe that? 

EDME 

Of course I am; why shouldn't I? 

ALICE 

Did Roy propose to you? 

EDME 

Yes — and I accepted him. 

ALICE 

I never in my Ufe heard anything so shocking ! Don't 
you reaUze, dear, that boy can't possibly marry you. 

EDME 

Well, anyway, I like to go out and have a good time. 

ALICE 

Oh, Edme, it's not nice. You know it isn't. 

EDME 

I do like him. 

ALICE 

You shouldn't see him again, Edme. 

EDME 

Oh, Ahce, I don't think it's wrong. 

ALICE 

It is, dear, it's very wrong. 
BESSIE (calls) 

Alice, will you help me into this dress, I'm stuck — 



PLOTS AND PLAYWRIGHTS 39 

ALICE 

Just a minute, Bessie. {To Edme) You must 
decide now, dear; are you going to do what is right? 

EDME 

Yes — I suppose so. 

ALICE 

I have your promise? Really? 

EDME 

Yes. 

ALICE 

That's my brave little girl. {Kisses her) I knew 

you'd do it. 
EDME {disconsolately) 

It's awfully hard. He promised to take me to 

Shanley's. 
BESSIE {calls again) 

Oh, Alice. 

ALICE 

All right, Bessie. {Smiling at Edme) I thought I 

could depend on you. 

\[She goes. Knock on door and Maggie enters. 

MAGGIE 

Miss Edme? 

EDME 

Yes, Maggie. 

MAGGIE 

I got a message for you. 

EDME 

Oh, Maggie, tell me, is he coming, can he get away 
to-night? 

MAGGIE 

That he can, Miss. 



40 PLOTS AND PLAYWRIGHTS 

EDME (jumping up and down) 

Oh, he's coming, he's coming. I knew he would — 
I knew he could get away. Oh, you dear old Maggie. 
(Hugs her) I just love you to death. (Suddenly 
serious) Oh, Maggie, you don't think it's wrong to 
go out with him. You don't think I ought to stay 
home? 

MAGGIE 

Well, Miss Edme, if I may make so bold — 

EDME 

What is it? Please tell me. 

MAGGIE 

I would ad\'ise you to ask him right out what his 
intentions may be; ask him straight — "Young man, 
do you mean well by me?" 

EDME 

Oh, Maggie, he does! 

MAGGIE 

Ask him. Miss; pin him down to it. Young men is 
slippery creatures — 

[^Bessie enters. She has put on her dress but carries 
her hat. 

BESSIE 

Any one called for me yet? 

MAGGIE 

No, Miss. (Eyeing stove) And Miss Purcell says 
if you're going to cook on them stoves, she'll have to 
ask you for your rooms. 

BESSIE 

That's just too sweet of her. Give her my love, 

Maggie. 

[^Maggie glares at her, tries to speak, and departs. 



PLOTS AND PLAYWRIGHTS 41 

BESSIE (puts hat on dresser) 
The old crow! 

EDME 

Oh, no, I like her. 

BESSIE 

Come here, hon'; I'm going out, but I want to talk to 
you first. How do I look? 

EDME 

Oh, you're lovely, Bessie — you look kissable. 

BESSIE 

I tried to — 

EDME 

You really shouldn't, Bessie. 

BESSIE 

Never mind about me. All I ever do is drink a 
cocktail or maybe smoke a few cigarettes. And 
what's wrong with that ? It pleases a fellow — 
makes him think you a good sport. I want to talk 
to you about Roy. You've promised Alice you 
wouldn't see him again. 

EDME 

Yes — 

l^She brings a cushion from sofa and sits at Bessie's feet, 

BESSIE 

Now I was talking to Alice, and I brought her round 
to my way of looking at it. 

EDME 

You think it's all right; I knew you would. 

BESSIE 

Roy's a rich fellow, and he's willing to spend his 
money, isn't he? 



42 PLOTS AND PLAYWRIGHTS 

EDME (surprised) 
Why, yes, of course he is. 

BESSIE 

Then there's no reason why you shouldn't run round 
with him and have a good time. Let him take you to 
shows and dinners and suppers — that's all right — 
but don't go any further — don't take him seriously. 

EDME 

Oh, I see. — But, Bessie — 

BESSIE 

Can't you do that? 

EDME 

Bessie, I love him. 

BESSIE 

And what does Roy say to that? 

EDME 

He wants to marry me. 

BESSIE 

Oh, I'm so sorry. 

EDME 

He means it. I know he does. 

BESSIE 

The two of you are a pair of babies. Honey, dear, I 
want you to believe what I'm saying. I'm trying to 
advise you like your own mother would; it's all right 
to go out with him so long as you have a good time, 
but if you kid yourself into lovin' him, then he's going 
to break your heart. 

EDME 

But what will I do? 

BESSIE 

Alice was right. You mustn't see him again. 



PLOTS AND PLAYWRIGHTS 43 

. _ 

EDME 

What will he do — what can I say to him. — Ok, 
Bessie — I can't — I can't. 

BESSIE 

Now I'll fix it up for you. I'll tell him you've gone 
away. 

EDME 

No, no — don't lie to him — 

BESSIE 

I won't he — I'll just string him along. — You must 

trust me, honey. Because I love you. 

^She kisses her. Knock on docyr, and Maggie enters, 

beaming. 

MAGGIE 

The young gentleman's here. Miss Edme. 
EDME (dismally) 

All right, Maggie. Thank you. 
^Maggie goes back to hall. 

BESSIE 

I'll go down, hon'. Let me manage it. 
EDME (crying) 

I suppose it's the right thing. 

BESSIE 

Yes, hon'. You'd better let me do it. 

EDME 

AU right. 

BESSIE (ivipes her eyes with her handkerchief y then feels her 
lips) 

Oh, gee, I've got to freshen up first. I can't see him 
like this. 

[^She goes out right. A man's voice — William Lloyd 



44 PLOTS AND PLAYWRIGHTS 

— calls from upstairs angrily; " Maggie, Maggie, is 
that you?'' 
MAGGIE (looking up; in hall) 
Yes, Mr. Lloyd. 

LLOYD 

Come right up stairs this minute; I want to see you. 
MAGGIE (wearily) 
Yes, Mr. Lloyd. 

[^Maggie goes upstairs. Edme realizes she is alone. 
She glances at door right. It is closed. She rushes to 
the table, picks up her hat and coat, and flies out the 
center door. Alice and Bessie enter. 

BESSIE 

I'll go right down, Ed, oh, Ed. — Where is she? 

ALICE 

Bessie, that child! (The front door slams) They're 
going out. 

BESSIE 

Well, we done our best. (She sits down in front of the 
dresser and starts to put on her hat) It's up to her now. 
[JThe curtain falls and the hurdy-gurdy is heard once 
more. 

CURTAIN 



Scene III. THE THIRD FLOOR 

The third floor front looks exactly like the correspond- 
ing rooms on the first and second floors. The furniture 
is arranged as follows: — small table and armchair left; 
two beds at back; wardrobe blocking up door at right; and 
large table and chairs at right. 

On the small table is a green-shaded lamp — connected 
with a gas jet on the wall between the windows. The light 
from it shines full upon the armchair, while it leaves the 
rest of the room in shadow. This lamp is lit when the 
curtain rises, and is the only light used during the scene. 

Dick Griffiths, a clean looking boy of seventeen, is seated 
in the armchair. He is studying intently. 

Out in the hall William Lloyd and Maggie can be heard 
in loud argument. Some of their talk can be distinguished, 
but Dick continues to work and pays no attention. 

LLOYD 

Not another word, Maggie. You had no business to 
disturb it. 

MAGGIE 

Miss Purcell give me them orders. 

LLOYD 

It's outrageous! 

MAGGIE 

You know Miss Purcell don't allow them stoves in the 
house. 

LLOYD 

I shall certainly remonstrate — 



46 PLOTS AND PLAYWRIGHTS 

MAGGIE 

She'd be more pleased if you'd pay what's owing on 
your room. 

LLOYD 

That will do, Maggie. You may go. 
MAGGIE (sarcastically) 
Thank you, sir. 
[^There is quiet. Then comes a rap on the door, 

DICK 

Come right in, Mr. Lloyd. 

[William Lloyd enters. He is about fifty-five — the 
remains of a once vigorous and intelligent man — hut 
evidently he has broken down through dissipation. He 
has not yet lost all his dignity y and carries himself well. 
But his clothes are shabby. In one hand he holds an 
alcohol lamp. 

LLOYD 

That woman can be most annoying — 

DICK 

What was wrong, sir? 

LLOYD 

It is very ridiculous. You see this lamp — well, 
while I was out to-day, Maggie emptied the alcohol 
out of it. 

DICK {laughing) 

Oh, they're death on alcohol stoves. 

LLOYD 

It is a trifle, but it led me to argue with her, and to 
argue with Maggie is a great mistake. She has me at 
a disadvantage. Dick, my boy, may you never be 
lacking in ready money. I little dreamed — but 



PLOTS AND PLAYWRIGHTS 47 

then, things did not go as I expected, and now I am 
at the mercy of la belle dame sans merci, 

DICK 

Maggie means all right. 

LLOYD 

I know, but it's downright insulting to empty the 
thing behind my back. Let it rest, however; the inci- 
dent is closed. {He "puts the lamp down on large table) 
What are you working on to-night, my boy? 

DICK 

It's some Greek reading. 

LLOYD 

For your school? 

DICK 

Yes, sir. 

LLOYD 

Let me see. (Takes the book) Ah, Xenophon. I 
don't think I could read him now. Do you find it 
hard? 

DICK 

Not this part. It's all marchings, and the words are 
easy. 

LLOYD 

What other readings have you done? Homer? 

DICK 

Oh, I won't get beyond Xenophon this year, but if I 
go to college — 

LLOYD 

Is it decided? Will your brother let you go? 

DICK 

I don't know. Sid's pretty set against it. 



48 •plots and playwrights 

LLOYD 

That's a pity — it would be a shame to let a chance 
like that go by. 

DICK 

Mr. Harvey's held the scholarship for me, but if I 
don't take it now, he'll have to give it to some one 
else. 

LLOYD 

Your brother should go to see him. 

DICK 

I wish he would. Mr. Harvey wrote and asked him 
to call. ' 

LLOYD 

Why, what objections can your brother have? 

DICK 

He wants me to go in the hat shop with him — 

LLOYD 

But you wouldn't like that, would you? 

DICK 

I couldn't bear it, sir. I worked there last summer, 
and it was bad enough then, when I knew I had this 
year at school to look forward to. 

LLOYD 

You want to learn something more — 

DICK 

Oh, yes, indeed; there's so much I want to know. 

LLOYD 

Haven't you talked to your brother? 

DICK 

He doesn't understand. 

LLOYD 

You should make him — 



PLOTS AND PLAYWRIGHTS 49 

DICK 

There isn't any one here who understands why I 
want to go to college, — that is, except you, sir. 

LLOYD 

See here, if I drop in later on, will you do me a 
favor? 

DICK 

What's that, sir? 

LLOYD 

Let me read the Anabasis with you. I'd like to see 
what it feels like to work at it again. 

DICK 

Oh, sir, I'd love to. Do you really want to? 

LLOYD 

Of course I do. Well, I'm off now. 

DICK 

And you'll be back? 

LLOYD 

Very shortly; I generally go out for a drop of — well 
— spirits about this time. It's medicine to an old 
man like me. But I'll be back. 

DICK 

That'll be fine; it'll be great to have some one to 
work with. 

LLOYD 

By the way, you don't happen to have a quarter, do 
you, I'm quite out of change. 

DICK 

Yes, sir, I think I have. (Producing money) Yes. 
Is that — is that enough, sir? 
[Gives him coin. 



50 PLOTS AND PLAYWRIGHTS 

LLOYD 

Quite, thank you. Sorry to have to trouble you. 
Well, see you later. 

DICK 

Good evening, sir. 

\_Lloyd goes. Dick settles bach to his work. His face 
is radiant. After a moment Sid enters; he is twenty- 
seven, much coarser-looking than his brother. 

SID 

What did Old Man Lloyd want? 

DICK 

Nothing. He was talking to me. 

SID 

Met him on the stairs. Going to get tanked up, I 
guess. What are you doing? 

DICK 

Working. 

SID 

Why don't you give it a rest? 

DICK 

It's for school — on Monday. 

SID 

Well, go ahead. I won't bother you. 
[He takes o;ff his coat. 

DICK 

Did you see Mr. Harvey? 

SID 

No. 

DICK 

He wrote you. 

SID 

I got the letter. He asked me to call and see him. 



PLOTS AND PLAYWRIGHTS 51 

DICK 

Won't you go? 

SID 

I don't want to talk to your school-teacher. What 
good will it do you to go to college? 

DICK 

I want to learn something. I don't know anything 
now. 

SID 

That's your fault. You've had all the education you 
need. I didn't even go through High School, and I 
get along all right. I don't know what put this non- 
sense into your head. 

DICK 

I didn't think of it till I got the scholarship. 

SID 

Two hundred dollars won't see you far. 

DICK 

But I'll work in the summer — and there's Dad's 
money — 

SID 

You can't touch that till you're twenty-one. 

DICK 

You can advance some. 

SID 

Well, I won't. Dad didn't leave his money for you to 
throw away on a college education. It's all very well 
for a lot of rich fellows, who haven't anything better 
to do with their time or money, but you've had all 
the education I can afford to give you. 

DICK 

I wish you'd be reasonable. 



52 PLOTS AND PLAYWRIGHTS 

SID 

That's just what I am. So I'm going to put you 
in the hat shop, and keep you there as long as I've 
got control over you. 

DICK 

Don't do that, Sid. 

SID 

Why not? They liked you last summer, and they 
want you back. 

DICK 

But I hate the work — you never get anywhere. 

SID 

If it's good enough for me, it's good enough for you. 

DICK 

Sid, all I want you to do now is to go round to see 
Mr. Harvey. 

SID 

Where's the good.^^ I've made up my mind. 

DICK 

He can tell you things so much better than I can. 

SID 

It'll be a waste of time. 

DICK 

You might do that for me, Sid. It's not asking 
much of you. 

SID 

Oh, I suppose I've got to go, or you'll never be quiet. 
Where's my coat? 

DICK 

Gee, that's great of you. You're awful good, Sid. 

SID 

I'm not as stubborn as you are. 



PLOTS AND PLAYWRIGHTS 53 

DICK 

Here's your coat. 

SID 

Well, aren't you going to give me the address? 
^Knock on door. 

SID 

Come in. 

^Bob Douglas enters — about thirty — short and fat 
with a chubby moon face. Sporty clothes. He carries 
a package. 

BOB 

Greetings, friends. Surprised you, eh? 
SID {shaking hands) 

Well, I'm mighty glad to see you. 

BOB 

Thought I'd drop in and spend the evening. 

SID 

Fine. But where's your wife, Bob? 

BOB 

Hush, I have no wife. 

SID 

What! 

BOB 

Well, I haven't got one to-night, I'm taking the even- 
ing off. 

SID 

Where's Jane? 

BOB 

Paterson. Her mother's sick again, and Jane's gone 
to nurse her over the week-end. 

SID 

That's hard lines. 



54 PLOTS AND PLAYWRIGHTS 

BOB 

Hard lines! I've been married two years, and luck's 
been against me till now. Boy, it's three months 
since I've had a decent drink. 

SID 

Sit right down and make yourself comfortable. I'll 
go round the corner — it won't take a second. 

BOB 

Nay, nay; I brought the party along with me. I 
wasn't taking chances. Behold! 
^He unwraps parcel and produces two quart bottles of 
whisky^ 

Oh, you beauty! 
^He kisses one. 
SID (laughing) 

You don't lose any time! 

BOB 

I'm making it up, boy, making it up. You know 
Jane may look like a drooping lily, but she'd do credit 
to any police force. 

SID 

When did she go? 

BOB 

To-night. I saw her to the ferry with tears in my 
eyes, then I bought these and came hither. Am I 
welcome? 

SID 

You sure are. 

BOB 

All right. Let's to business. You'll find me out 
of practice. How are you? 



PLOTS AND PLAYWRIGHTS 55 

SID 

Fit as ever — only I've got to go to work to-morrow. 

BOB 

So've I — but Saturday — short and easy. Got any 
glasses? 

SID 

Surely — Dick, where are the glasses? My kid 
brother. You know Bob Douglas, Dick? 

DICK 

How do you do? 

BOB 

I think I met you before. Is this the student? 

SID 

Yep. 
BOB (pointing to book) 
What are you reading, son? 

DICK 

Greek. 

BOB 

That let's me out. I never was any hand at learning. 
£He takes out a pocket corkscrew and commences to open 
a bottle. 

SID 

Get the glasses, Dick. 

[Dick goes to the wardrobe and brings two small glasess 

to the table. 

BOB 

I wish I could have learnt in my time. 

SID 

I was put to work when I was twelve, and it did me no 
harm. Now the young gentleman here wants to go to 
college. 



56 PLOTS AND PLAYWRIGHTS 

BOB 

What! 

SID 

Got a prize or something. 

DICK 

A scholarship. 

BOB 

Good for you, kid. {Filling the glasses) You take 
it straight. 

SID 

Sure. 

BOB 

When? 

SID 

FiU it up. 

BOB 

That's the right spirit — I like to see that. (Fills his 
own glass up) Will you join us, kid? 

DICK 

No, thank you. 

\lle has retired to the armchair and is preparing to read 

there. 

SID 

No. He don't drink. 

BOB 

Well — Over the hot sands — 

SID 

Here's to you. 
\_They drink. 

BOB 

Ah, that's the stuflt. 



PLOTS AND PLAYWRIGHTS 57 

SID 

Mighty fine. 

DICK 

Oh, Sid. 

SID 

WeU.? 

DICK 

You said you'd go to see Mr. Harvey? You could be 

back soon. 

« 

SID 

Say, what's wrong with you? 

BOB 

What's the matter? 

SID 

It's this kid and his college — 

BOB 

Why don't you let him go? 

SID 

He's too stuck on himself now. No, sir, he's going 
in the shop. 

DICK 

I don't want to go in the shop. 

SID 

It's not what you want. 

BOB 

Be easy on the kid, Sid. Here, have another drink. 

SID 

Thanks. (Bob fills up the glasses) {To Dick) And 
you'd better keep your mouth shut. 

BOB 

Come on — Over the hot sands — 



58 PLOTS AND PLAYWRIGHTS 

SID 

Here's to you. {They drink) Where'd you pick up 
that? 

BOB 

Down at Coney last summer — a dame taught it to 
me — left Jane sitting on the beach — and fell in with 
the cutest little skirt. Nita — some name, eh? 
Nita Delorme. Gave me her telephone number. 
Guess I'll call her up to-morrow. 

SID 

Jane may come home. 

BOB 

Say, don't even suggest it. How's your kid brother 
with the skirts. These quiet fellows are always devils 
with the women. 

SID 

Not Dick. He does nothing but study. 

BOB 

Hand over your glass. {He fills the two glasses up) 
You know — even if I'm not in condition — I can 
drink you under. 

SID 

You'll have to travel far. 

BOB 

Oh, you think us fat fellows can't stand anything, 
but I'll show you. Over the hot sands — 

SID 

Here's to you. 

BOB 

Yes, Nita taught me that — cute little Nita. Ah, 
I was a happy man that day. {He laughs) Jane sat 
on the beach till the tide came in — 



PLOTS AND PLAYWRIGHTS 59 

SID (to Dick) 
Put away that book. Can't you be polite? (Dick 
looks at him, surprised) I don't want you reading 
when there's company. Put it up, d'you hear me? 
J[pick shuts book, 

BOB 

That's right, come over here and be sociable; don't 
you want a drink? 

DICK 

No, thank yoiu 

SID 

Stubborn as a mule. Here leave him be and fill up 
my glass. 

BOB 

Just a minute, and I'm with you. (Finishes his glass) 

There. 

^Fills the glasses, 

SID 

He'll stay home with me — I want to keep an eye on 
him. 

BOB 

Oh, hang it all, man, if he wants to go to college — 
let him go — a little college can do nobody any harm. 
SID (growing moody) 

No, no, I'll knock that nonsense out of him. 

BOB 

I wish Jane would go to college. I'd pay all her 
expenses — there and back. Come on now, we'll 
drink to Jane — lovely Jane — and may she ever be 
— Over the hot sands — 
\^Sid murmurs and they drink. Knock on door. 



60 PLOTS AND PLAYWRIGHTS 

BOB 

Holy Saints — it*s Jane! 
SID (irritably) 

No, no. Come in. 

\[William Lloyd enters — slightly flushed, 

LLOYD 

Oh, I beg your pardon — hope I don't disturb — 
\^Dick rises to go to him, hut Bob gets there first, 

BOB 

How d'ye do, sir — I'm glad to meet you; how d'ye 
do — I didn't get the name. 

LLOYD 

Lloyd. 

BOB 

Have a drink, Mr. Lloyd, have a drink. Open up the 
other bottle, Sid. Insist on the other bottle for Mr. 
Lloyd. Get another glass, Sid — 

LLOYD 

Really, I shouldn't — 

BOB 

Oh, you must — I insist upon it — so does Sid — we 
all do — just a minute. 
\JIe opens the second bottle, 

SID (brings glass to table) 
Stick around, Lloyd. 

LLOYD 

Well, I promised Dick — but we can read again — 
some other night, eh? 
DICK (blankly) 
Certainly, sir. 



PLOTS AND PLAYWRIGHTS 61 

LLOYD (turns away relieved) 

This is very nice — very nice indeed. Just one, 
gentlemen — I've already had my usual allowance. 

BOB 

Glasses, please. (Filling the glasses) There you are, 
sir. Come on, Sid. Well — (He pauses) Over the 
hot sands — 
{They drink, Lloyd saying '*Your health, gentlemen.'* 

LLOYD 

Ah, that's medicine to me, Mr. — eh — what is the 
name? 

BOB 

You can be real friendly and call me Bob. 

LLOYD 

Quite so, sir. Why, Dick, you're not working? 
DICK (rather white) 

I've laid off for the evening. 

{Throughout the scene Dick is sitting in the armchair. 

The light falls on him; the others are in shadow. 

LLOYD 

That's right — You know "All work and no play 
makes Jack a dull boy." (Bob fills his glass) Oh, 
thank you, sir. 

BOB 

Ready, Sid. 

SID (staring moodily at floor, looks up) 
Thanks. 
{Bob fills Sid's glass, 

LLOYD 

Your brother is so anxious to go to college. I hope 
you will give your consent. 



62 PLOTS AND PLAYWRIGHTS 

SID 

No, I won't, Dick and his high-toned notions don't 

suit me. I'm going to show him who's head of this 

family. 
BOB (gesticulating) 

Don't you agree with me that if the kid wants to go 

to college, let him go to college. 
LLOYD (becoming garrulous) 

The higher education is indeed an accomplishment. 

BOB 

We're all against you, Sid. 

\_Lloyd and Bob bow elaborately to Sid. 

SID 

He's not going to college. I'll see to that. 

BOB 

Now, if I was real clever, wouldn't you send me to 
college? 

LLOYD 

And deprive us of your company, sir. 
[They drink, 

BOB 

Sid, if you'll send the kid to college, I'll let Jane go 
and keep house for him. 

LLOYD 

Education, my dear sir, is a very great attainment. 
The lower orders lack it — if a certain domestic in 
this establishment were only imbued with the first 
principles of education — I once made a speech on the 
subject of education — May I quote from it to you? 

BOB 

Go ahead, old scout — quote it to me — and I'll 
quote it to Jane. 



PLOTS AND PLAYWRIGHTS 63 

LLOYD 

The Greeks are — 

[He continues to mumble. 

BOB 

Come on, Sid. Another drink. I'm ahead of you — 

SID 

Just a moment. 

BOB 

Not another. You're a quitter. We'll drink without 
you. 

LLOYD 

Hear, hear. 
\[They drink. 
SID {shouting) 

I'll be damned if he goes. {To Dick) Come here, 
come here. Do you hear me.^^ {Dick approaches — 
very white) Now, listen to me — if I hear you men- 
tion college again — whether I'm drunk or sober, I'll 
beat your head off — D'ye get me? {Dick stands 
wide-eyed. Sid swings round.) Now give me a 
drink. 

£He fills his glass, then sits down and stares at the floor. 
Dick returns to the armchair. He sits there, nervous 
and twitching. 

LLOYD 

Education is a funny thing — but Greek, ah, noble, 

inspiring Greek. 

\[Bob starts to sing a Broadway Hawaiian ditty. 

LLOYD 

I admire the Greeks and their customs. 
[Bob continues the song. 



64 PLOTS AND PLAYWRIGHTS 

LLOYD {commences to recite the Iliad; after several lines 
he cries) 

Shades of Maggie, Shades of Purcell — {He raises 
the bottles and pours whiskey over the alcohol lamp) 
Where are you? 

£Dick trembles from head to foot — the Greek book is in 
his hands — he takes it and tears it in two. He stares 
straight before him. At this moment there is a sharp 
rap on the door. Bob stops short on a high note, Sid 
looks up, Lloyd is silenced. 

MAGGIE {off stage) 

Miss Purcell says you've got to keep quiet — You're 

making too much noise. 

£But they pay no attention. And with an increasing 

force, the hubbub proceeds. At this point the curtain 

falls. 

The hurdy-gurdy starts in. The curtain rises again, and 

and it is once more the street in front of the lodging house. 

Bob appears on the steps in a very intoxicated condition. 

He disappears up the street — singing his Hawaiian 

ditty. 

Hastings follows him from the house. He watches Bob 

out of sight. Then he sits down on the steps, chuckles 

to himself, pulls out a little notebook, and 'proceeds to 

take notes, 

CURTAIN 



PART II 

A restaurant. A table and chairs at one side of the 
stage. (An elderly, stooping waiter, with white hair, 
ushers in Joseph Hastings. Hastings is wearing a dinner 
jacket, etc.) 

WAITER 

A table, sir? 

HASTINGS 

I'm expecting Mr. Gay. He 'phoned you to reserve 
a table. 

WAITER 

Oh, yes, sir. For Mr. Gay, the playwright; right 
here, sir, this is the table. Mr. Gay is seldom punc- 
tual, if you'll pardon me, sir. 

HASTINGS 

You know him, then? 

WAITER 

Yes, sir, I have quite a theatrical acquaintance, sir. 
[Casper Gay enters. He is in evening dress. 

WAITER 

Here is Mr. Gay now. 

HASTINGS 

Oh, I'm glad to see you. 

CASPER 

How do you do. Sorry if I'm late. 

HASTINGS 

You're not. 



66 PLOTS AND PLAYWRIGHTS 

WAITER 

Good evening, sir. 

CASPER 

How are you. {To Hastings) I thought I should 
' never get here. 
\_They sit at table, 

WAITER 

What will you have, sir. 

CASPER 

Something to drink now. We'll dine later. 

WAITER 

Very good, sir. 

HASTINGS 

A Manhattan for me. 

CASPER 

To honor Mr. Hastings, I think I shall try a Chaste 
Minerva. 

WAITER 

Yes, sir. 
\iHe goes. 

HASTINGS 

Did you read my manuscript. 

CASPER 

Yes, indeed. Thank you so much. 

HASTINGS 

And what do you think. 
CASPER (looking oracular) 

I can see there's a play in it. 

HASTINGS 

I thought I could convince you. Now you'll admit I 
was right. 



PLOTS AND PLAYWRIGHTS 67 

CASPER 

Oh, I suppose so; but, my dear chap, that sort of 
thing won't go on Broadway. 

HASTINGS 

What? 

CASPER 

It's, it's not playwriting. 

HASTINGS 

Why not? 

CASPER 

Why! Because no manager will touch it. 

HASTINGS 

Can you tell me what's wrong. 

CASPER 

For one thing, there's so little connection between 
the scenes. 

HASTINGS 

Why should there be. I'm showing you there's a 
play on every floor of the house. 

CASPER 

Oh, you've got a play on every floor — and a lot 

of exposition too. 

\^The waiter brings the drinks and serves them. He 

remains an interested listener through the rest of the 

scene. 

HASTINGS 

Surely you like my people. They're real enough. 

CASPER 

Yes, they are interesting. Of course you intend to 
write another scene and tie the whole thing up. 

HASTINGS 

Certainly not, my play is finished. 



68 PLOTS AND PLAYWRIGHTS 

CASPER 

Oh, you can't break off like that. Take that second 
little tragedy. I want to know what happens to 
Edme. 

HASTINGS 

That second play is a comedy. 

CASPER 

A comedy! Heavens! It's a good thing you let 
me read this. I think I can be of some help to you. 

HASTINGS 

Thank you, so much. Have you anything else to 
suggest? 

CASPER 

Some of your jokes — well — "The cars run in 
bunches" — that's pretty bad. 

HASTINGS 

Yes, I'm afraid it is. 

CASPER 

Now I'm interested in your play, or rather your 
episodes from life. I can see possibilities in them. 

HASTINGS 

So. 

CASPER 

I could take your material and write it up — write it 
up so it would go in any New York theater. 

HASTINGS 

The great American drama? 

CASPER 

I can turn it into a big Broadway success. 

HASTINGS 

That sounds interesting. How would you go about 
it? 



PLOTS AND PLAYWRIGHTS 69 

CASPER 

To begin with — look at Miss Purcell. For three 
acts you've talked about a character who doesn't 
appear on the stage. Why not make your old 
Mother the landlady? 

HASTINGS 

All right. 

CASPER 

Now your play is laid on West Eleventh Street — 
a New York play — therefore somebody is wanted 
by the police. Who will it he? Dick. No, he's 
the juvenile. 

HASTINGS 

Frank? 

CASPER 

No, indeed; Frank's a villain's name. I have it — 
Sid Griffiths. Sid is wanted by the police. What 
crime has he committed? Murder. That's too 
brutal. Robbery, that's it. 

HASTINGS 

Good. 

CASPER 

And the police suspect him. But they need some 
proof. Who will they turn to? His sweetheart? 
They won't learn much from her. His old pal — 
of course. There we have our starting point. 
There's where our play begins. 
l^The stage is darkened, and the restaurant scene gives 
place to the lodging house much as it appeared in the 
other scenes, with the door to hall at hack, a door at right 
and windows at left. But the room is now a drab sort of 
sitting room, and electricity has replaced gas. There 



70 PLOTS AND PLAYWRIGHTS 

is remarkable atmosphere about it. Gold framed 
enlargements will give exactly the right effect. 

Frank Devoy is pacing up and down before the 
tuindows. He is obviously expecting somebody. The 
hall door opens, and Tom Burch enters. He now 
wears the uniform of a police inspector. Frank turns 
eagerly, and starts back. 

TOM 

Evening, Frank. Didn't expect me, did you? 

FRANK 

No, not exactly. 

TOM 

I thought I'd drop in, and pay you a visit. 

FRANK 

Won't some other time do? I'm going out now. 
[He starts to go. 
TOM {blocking the way) 

Don't be in such a hurry. 

FRANK 

What's your game? You got nothing on me. 

TOM 

Look here, Frank, what do you know about this 
Lloyd necklace? 

FRANK 

Nothing. 

TOM 

You can't bluff me. You know who did the job. 

FRANK 

No, I don't. Honest to God. 

TOM 

Now listen to me. I want the name of the man who 



PLOTS AND PLAYWRIGHTS 71 

glommed the Lloyd mansion last night. I'll give 
you half an hour to get it to me. 

FRANK 

Say, what do you think I am? 

TOM 

Now don't forget I got two or three little things 
against you — enough to send you up the river for 
four or five years. 

FRANK 

But see here — even if I do find out who it is I can't 
go to headquarters. 

TOM 

You can find me in the square — and I won't wait 
more than haK an hour, remember that. 
£He goes. Frank mutters an oath. He starts to light 
a cigarette with trembling fingers, then throws it away, 
\^Edme enters. 
EDME {running to him) 

Frank! {He pushes her away) 

What's the matter? I'm sorry if I was late. 

FRANK 

It's not that. I'm in the devil of a scrape. 

EDME 

What is it? Oh, tell me, dear. 

FRANK 

Naw, you wouldn't understand. 

EDME 

Oh, Frank, you should tell me. If you love me as 
much as you say you do, then you ought to trust me. 

FRANK 

I can't tell you now. I've got to clear out of this. 



72 PLOTS AND PLAYWRIGHTS 

EDME 

What do you mean? 

FRANK 

I*m going West. 

EDME 

But, Frank, you aren't going to leave me? 

FRANK 

I got to — unless you come with me. 

EDME 

Oh, I couldn't. 

FRANK 

Why not? 

EDME 

It wouldn't be right. We're not married. 

FRANK 

That don't matter. We can get married as soon 
as we reach Chicago. 

EDME 

But it isn't right — even then — 

FRANK 

You see you don't trust me. 

EDME 

Oh, I do, Frank. 

FRANK 

You're going to let me go away alone. 

EDME 

Oh, no. 

FRANK 

And maybe you'll never see me again. How'd 
you like that? 

EDME 

It would be terrible. I couldn't stand it. 



PLOTS AND PLAYWRIGHTS 73 

FRANK 

Then you*ll come? 

EDME 

Yes, yes, I'll come — of course I will. 

FRANK 

That's much better. Can you get ready in fifteen 
minutes? I'll have to go out and get the tickets. 

EDME 

Yes, yes. 

FRANK 

If you're going to back out, now's the time to do it. 

EDME 

I'm not, Frank. 

FRANK 

Good. 

[He kisses her quickly and starts to door, Dick 

Griffiths enters right. Frank turns back. 

FRANK 

Where will I meet you? 

EDME 

I'll wail for you here. 

FRANK 

All right. We got to get away to-night. 
[He goes. 

EDME (Sees Dick) 

Oh, Dick, were you in your room? 

DICK 

Yes, I've been reading Xenephon. 

EDME 

Did you — could you hear us talking? 



74 PLOTS AND PLAYWRIGHTS 

DICK 

No, you can't hear a thing in there. {He comes over 
to her) Edme, it's none of my business, I know, but 
I wish you wouldn't go round with him — with Frank 
so much. 

EDME 

Why not? 

DICK 

I don't think he's quite your sort. — I don't think 
he's good enough for you. 

EDME 

Oh, Dick, he's much too good. If you knew him, 
you wouldn't say that. 

DICK 

I don't know — 

EDME 

And I may as well tell you, Dick, that we're going to 
be married. 

DICK 

Oh, no! 

EDME 

Yes, isn't that wonderful? 

DICK 

I'm sorry I spoke now, I didn't know things were 
like that. {He takes her hand) I hope you'll be 
very happy. 

EDME 

Thank you, Dick. 

DICK 

Gee, but he's a lucky fellow. You tell him that 
from me. 
[^Bessie enters. 



PLOTS AND PLAYWRIGHTS 75 

BESSIE 

Hello, kiddies. {To Dick) Where's your brother? 

DICK 

I haven't seen him to-day. 

BESSIE 

I'm worried about him. You been studying hard as 
ever? 

DICK 

Yes, and I'd better get back on the job, or I'll never 
get to college. 
{He goes out right, 

BESSIE 

That boy thinks the world of you, dear. You ought 
to be nicer to him. 

EDME 

Oh, he's always working, and he never goes out any- 
where. I don't like that. 

BESSIE 

He may be a bit quiet — but I know a real fel- 
low when I see one, and you won't find a better kid 
anywhere. 

EDME 

I'm not so sure. 

{Mrs. Hammond enters. She carries a newspaper. 

MRS. HAMMOND 

Good evening, Miss Dodge. How are you, Edme? 

EDME 

Very well, thank you. 

MRS. HAMMOND 

You look so pretty to-night. My little girl was pretty 
too. I must show you her picture some day. 
Would you like to see it? 



76 PLOTS AND PLAYWRIGHTS 

EDME 

Oh, yes, Mrs. Hammond. 

MRS. HAMMOND 

You remind me of her at times. There, there, I'm a 
silly old woman to talk about the past. Run along, 
dear. {Edme goeSy and she turns to Bessie) I feel so 
sorry for that little girl with nobody to protect her. 

BESSIE 

Poor little kiddie. 

MRS. HAMMOND 

And when we see so much wickedness in the world. 
Did you read to-night's paper? 

BESSIE 

No. 

MRS. HAMMOND 

It's simply terrible. No one is safe. Some men 
broke into the Lloyd mansion on Fifth Avenue. 

BESSIE 

What! 

MRS HAMMOND 

Yes, and stole the famous diamond necklace. It's 
worth a fortune, they say. Here's a picture of it. 
[^She shows her the paper. 
BESSIE (anxiously) 

Did they catch the man? Does it say? 

MRS. HAMMOND 

No, but the police have a clue. 
\^A long whistle is heard outside, 
BESSIE (starts) 
Oh! 

MRS. HAMMOND 

Why, what's the matter, dear? 



PLOTS AND PLAYWRIGHTS 77 

BESSIE 

Nothing, nothing at all. When did it happen? 

MRS. HAMMOND 

Last night, I believe. Mr. Lloyd's niece from 
Morrisburg was visiting him. It was she who dis- 
covered the thief. 
{Maggie opens the door. 

MRS. HAMMOND 

Yes, Maggie? 

MAGGIE 

There's a person to see Miss Dodge. 

BESSIE 

Tell him to come up, please. 

MAGGIE 

Yes, miss. And, ma'am, could I see you for a few 
minutes? 

MRS. HAMMOND 

Certainly, Maggie. Will you excuse me. Miss Dodge. 

BESSIE 

Of course. 

{Mrs. Hammond and Maggie go out. Bessie hurries 
to window. Bob Douglas enters — the pessimistic 
comedy crook, 

BOB 

Hey, Bess. 

BESSIE 

Good Lord, you scared me. What is it? 

BOB 

There's the devil to pay — 

BESSIE 

For heaven's sake, tell me — 



78 PLOTS AND PLAYWRIGHTS 

BOB 

Sid's outside. 

BESSIE 

I got his signal. Go on. 

BOB 

The poUce are after him. 

BESSIE 

Bob, it's not that Lloyd robbery? 

BOB 

Yes. 

BESSIE 

Oh, my God! 
BOB (ruefully) 

We'll all get ten years if he's caught. 
BESSIE (bitterly) 

What a fool thing — 

BOB 

He wants you to flash the lights, if he can come in. 

BESSIE 

Is he out in the street alone? (Bob nods) Oh, the 
poor kid. (She flashes the lights) There — 

BOB 

I hope he ain't found there. Sing Sing's too far from 
the bright lights to suit me. 

BESSIE 

What made him do it. Bob? 

BOB 

You better ask him that. They saw him get away. 

He's been followed close ever since — 

\^The door is thrown back. Sid Griffiths enters, pale, 

agitated. 



PLOTS AND PLAYWRIGHTS 79 

SID 

They're after me, Bess; they're after me. 

BESSIE 

Oh, Sid, Sid, why did you do it? You promised me 
you'd go straight. 

SID 

It looked Hke a sure thing. 

BESSIE 

Oh, Sid! 

SID 

Now listen, girl, I want you to get the straight of this. 
Frank Devoy's in it too. He gave me a plan of the 
house — 

BESSIE 

Well? 

SID 

I was to get the necklace and hand it over to him. 
He promised me five thousand. That was for us to 
start on. 

BESSIE 

Oh, Sid, I'd rather start honest. 

SID 

Well, it's done now. 

BESSIE 

And you got the rocks, you got the rocks. 

SID 

Yes, but they saw me. 

BESSIE 

And the rocks, where are they? 

SID 

I've got them on me. 



80 PLOTS AND PLAYWRIGHTS 

BESSIE 

Good God. Oh, Sid, it's going to break my heart. 

SID 

If I could only get the necklace to Frank. They 
won't suspect him — 

BESSIE 

Where is he? 

SID 

I was to meet him at the old shack. Here's where 
you come in, Bob. 

BOB 

I'm ready. What is it? 

SID 

Tell Frank to come over here at once. Tell him if 
they find the necklace here, it'll mean the big house 
for all of us. 

BOB 

I get you. 

SID 

Now, hustle. 

BOB 

I'll take a jitney. 
[He goes. 

BESSIE 

If you get out of this, you'll go straight — for my sake. 

SID 

God help me — I wiU. 

[He embraces her passionately, 

BESSIE 

You'd better stay in your room till he comes. I'll 
keep watch down-stairs and let you know. 



PLOTS AND PLAYWRIGHTS 81 

SID 

All right. Not a word of this to Dick, mind. 

BESSIE 

Of course not. 

^She goes. Sid takes out the necklace and looks at it. 

Then he puts it back, crosses to door right, and goes 

out. 

After a minute the hall door opens, and Edme enters 

with a traveling bag. She is very nervous. She puts 

the bag on the table. Mrs. Hammond comes in. 

MRS. HAMMOND 

Why, Edme, where are you going? 

EDME 

I — I — ■ nowhere — 

MRS. HAMMOND 

But you've got your hat and coat on. And your bag 
here — What does it mean? Are you going away? 

EDME 

Yes, I am, Mrs. Hammond. 

MRS. HAMMOND 

But where to? (Edme does not answer) Can't you 
tell me? Surely it's nothing to be ashamed of. 

EDME 

I'm going away with Mr. Devoy. 

MRS. HAMMOND 

What! 

EDME 

We're going out West. 

MRS. HAMMOND 

But, Edme — you — you can't go with him alone — 

EDME 

He's going to marry me as soon as we get to Chicago. 



82 PLOTS AND PLAYWRIGHTS 

MRS. HAISOIOND 

Chicago ! ! Oh, you poor little girl. 

EDME 

He promised me he would. I wouldn't go till he'd 
promised me. 

MRS. HAMMOND 

My dear, you mustn't run away like that. You 
don't know what you're doing. 

EDME 

Yes, I do. Frank wouldn't deceive me. 

MRS. HAMMOND 

You don't know the world, dear. 

EDME 

I wasn't going to do anything wrong. 

MRS. HAMMOND 

Of course not, dear. Now, I want you to sit down, 
and listen while I tell you a story. Please — it won't 
take long. {Edme sits at her feet.) I had a daughter 
once. She was a beautiful little girl, and I called 
her Molly. Well, Molly grew up, and she got restless 
at home. I guess I was too quiet for her. Anyway, 
she left me and went on the stage. Then I didn't 
hear from her for a long time — and I worried — 
and one evening — it was in this very room — Maggie 
was trying to comfort me — 

£A loud whistle is heard off the stage. The lights go 
out. They come on again, slowly, until the stage is in 
half-light. Mrs. Hammond is still sitting by the center 
table. Maggie is standing beside her, 

MAGGIE 

You do wrong to get excited like this. 



PLOTS AND PLAYWRIGHTS 83 

MRS. HAMMOND 

I can't help it, Maggie, I haven't heard from Molly 
in over a month. 

MAGGIE 

There, there. It'll be all right. You're tired out 
with this worrying. Come and lie down for a while. 
MRS. HAMMOND (rising) 

I know I'm foolish, but I can't help feeling that 

something must have happened. 

{They go out right. Molly enters from hall. She is 

deathly pale. She staggers to the center table, Maggie 

re-enters, 

MAGGIE 

Miss Molly. 
MOLLY (starting) 
Oh, my God! 

MAGGIE 

Glory be, you've come back to us. 

MOLLY 

My mother, where is she? 

MAGGIE 

Lying down in there. Wait till I tell her. 

MOLLY 

No, no, you mustn't do that. I'm going right away. 
(She sees writing materials on the table) Wait. (She 
scribbles a note.) I want you to give her this. 
{She turns to go. 

MAGGIE 

Oh, wait. Miss Molly. You're in some trouble, I can 
see that — What is it, tell me what's wrong? 

MOLLY 

It's nothing — no one can help me. 



84 PLOTS AND PLAYWRIGHTS 

MAGGIE 

Oh, tell me, honey. 

MOLLY 

No, no. 

MAGGIE 

You must tell me. You must tell your Maggie. 

MOLLY 

Oh, Maggie, I'm going to become — 
\^She breaks down, 

MAGGIE 

Not that, honey, not that. 

MOLLY 

Yes, yes. 

MAGGIE 

Oh, Miss Molly. 

MOLLY 

I trusted him. I thought he'd marry me, but he 
lied to me, he tricked me. 

MAGGIE 

My poor little girl! 

MOLLY 

I can't face my mother. It would kill her. 

[Mrs. Hammond calls ^* Maggie, Maggie.^* 

MAGGIE 

It's your mother, she's waked up. You mustn't go. 
Wait and see her. Miss Molly. 

MOLLY 

No, no. Give her my letter. It will explain every- 
thing. Oh, Maggie, I can't see her. 

MAGGIE 

Then, Miss Molly, take this. {She gives her a necklace 



PLOTS AND PLAYWRIGHTS 85 

that is on the table) It's your mother's necklace. She 
got it when she was married, and I know she'd 
want you to have it. 

MOLLY 

God bless you. 

[^She goes. 

\^Mrs. Hammond enters. 

MRS. HAMMOND 

Why, Maggie, who were you talking to.^ I thought 
I heard voices. 

MAGGIE 

There wasn't anybody. 

MRS. HAMMOND 

You have a letter. It's for me — it's from Molly — 
give it to me. 

MAGGIE 

No, ma'am, no. 

MRS. HAMMOND 

Give it to me, Maggie, there's something wrong; 
give it to me. 
[^She takes letter. 

MAGGIE 

Don't read it, ma'am. 

MRS. HAMMOND (reads) 

"I have gone away. You will never see me again." 

(She breaks off) Oh, Molly, my little girl, my little 

girl. 

£The whistle sounds again. The lights go out. They 

come on again slowly. Mrs. Hammond is talking to 

Edme. 



86 PLOTS AND PLAYWRIGHTS 

MRS. HAMMOND 

I never, never heard of her again. And that was six- 
teen years ago. It was terrible, terrible. I thought 
I should die. 
EDME (crying) 
Oh, I'm so sorry. 

MRS. HAMMOND 

And you know how I've watched over you, ever since 
you came to stay here. It would break my heart if 
anything should happen to you. 

EDME 

Don't cry, Mrs. Hammond. I couldn't go now. 
Not after what you've just told me. 

MRS. HAMMOND 

If he is an honorable man, he will wait and marry you 
here, 

EDME 

Yes, yes, I know he will. I'm going up-stairs now to 

unpack my things. 

\_Bessic enters, followed by Bob. 
EDME (drawing back) 

Oh, I can't talk to any one. 
MRS. HAMMOND (taking her in her arms) 

It's all right, dear. You must excuse us; this little 

girl isn't feeling very well. 

BESSIE 

Poor kid, what's the matter? 

MRS. HAMMOND 

She'll be all right. Just leave her to me. 

\^She goes out with Edme. 

BOB 

Gee, I'm glad they didn't stay. Get Sid. 



PLOTS AND PLAYWRIGHTS 87 

BESSIE (going to door right) 
Sid, Sid, — come here. 
\^Sid enters from right, 

SID 

Did you get Frank? 

BOB 

He's coming right along — but look here — 

SID 

Where was he? 

BESSIE 

Tell him, Bob. 

BOB 

I passed Frank in the Square. He was talking to In- 
spector Burch. 

SID 

My God, no. 

BOB 

He's trying to double-cross you. 

SID 

Where is he? 

BOB 

He's here by now. I kept just ahead of him. 

BESSIE (at door) 

Frank's on the stairs. 

BOB 

What 're you going to dor 

SID 

Leave that to me. I don't want you to mix up in this. 
[Frank Devoy enters. 

FRANK 

Evening, everybody. (There is a silence) Well, 
what's wrong? 



88 PLOTS AND PLAYWRIGHTS 

SID (to Bessie) 

I want you to go down-stairs and keep watch by the 
front door. Take Bob with you. 

BOB 

Oh, say — 

SID 

Do what I say. This is my affair. 

BESSIE 

Come along, Bob. 

BOB 

Oh, gee, I wanted to see the excitement. 
[_They go. 

SID 

Now take these rocks. Quick. 

FRANK 

You bungled the job, and you want me to take the 
consequences. 

SID 

We went pals on this. 

FRANK 

The jewels are no good now. They're marked every- 
where. 

SID 

Well, they're after me hard. I've got to get rid of 
them. 

FRANK 

Oh, is that it? 

SID 

I don't want your money. I'm sorry I messed up 
with you at all. But take this. 
\^He hands him diamonds. 



PLOTS AND PLAYWRIGHTS 89 

FRANK 

Oh, I don't mind. {Takes necklace and lays it on 
table) As a favor to you. 

SID 

Now look here, you rat, what were you talking to 
Inspector Burch about? 

FRANK 

I wasn't, Sid; who told you that? 

SID 

Don't lie. Bob saw you. 

FRANK 

He stopped me, honest he did. 

SID 

I'll have to let it go at that, I suppose. But I don't 
trust you, and I'm glad to be through with you. And 
get this — if you ever try to double-cross me, Frank, 
I'll kill you. 

FRANK 

Don't you try to threaten me. 

SID 

I mean what I say. 

FRANK 

I'm not afaid of you. {He draws a revolver) 
Now you keep away, or I'll shoot. 
[He points gun at Sid. 

SID 

Put that down, you fool. D'you hear me, put it 
down. 

[He walks straight up to Frank and takes the gun out 
of his hand. 



90 PLOTS AND PLAYWRIGHTS 

FRANK 

For God's sake, don't hurt me. I didn't mean it. 
SID {throws gun on table with great contempt) 
You dirty coward! Now I'm coming back in five 
minutes, and I don't want to find you here. 
[^He goes out right, 

FRANK 

Damn you. 

{He puts necklace in his pocket. Enter Edme, 

FRANK 

Aren't you ready? We've got to get away quick. 

EDME 

I'm not going, Frank. 

FRANK 

What's that? 

EDME 

It isn't right. You shouldn't ask me to. 

FRANK 

Don't be a fool. I've no time to waste. 

EDME 

No, Frank — it's no use. 

FRANK 

Come along now. 

EDME 

I can't I tell you, I can't. 

FRANK 

Listen to me, girl, I love you. I'm crazy for you. 
Do you think I'll let you turn back now. No, sir, 
you've got to come with me. 
IHe crosses over to her. 



PLOTS AND PLAYWRIGHTS 91 

EDME 

Don't you touch me. (Frank laughs at her) K you 
come near me, I'll scream. 

FRANK 

We'll soon stop that. (He catches hold of her, and tries 
to cover her mouth vnth his hand. Edme breaks away 
from him. He follows her, and she switches off the 
lights) Here, where are you? (No answer) Come^ 
on: you can't play tricks with me. Speak up. (No 
answer) Well, we'll soon find out. (He flashes a 
pocket flashlight. It falls on Edme.) Oh, there you 
are, you little fool. (He advances toward her. She 
screams) Be quiet, d'you hear me! 
[^The flashlight falls on the revolver on table, Edme 
gives a cry and seizes it, 

FRANK (putting off flash) 
Put that down, put that down. 

EDME (rushes to lights and switches them on) 
Now you keep away, or I'll shoot. 

FRANK 

Cut out this foolishness. 

EDME 

I mean it. 

FRANK 

I've stood enough from you. 

^He starts towards her. She shoots. 

FRANK 

You little vixen. 

fHe falls. Edme screams. The hall door is opened, 
Mrs. Hammond and Maggie enter. 



92 PLOTS AND PLAYWRIGHTS 

MBS. HAMMOND 

What has happened? What's the matter? 
^Bessie enters, 

BESSIE 

Sid, where are you, Sid, Sid — 
l^Sid enters from right. Bob appears in hall doorway, 
Dick follows Sid, He crosses to Edme. 
SID {examining Frank) 
Dead! I've got to make a get-away. 

BESSIE 

Try the hall. Quick! 

\_Sid goes out by the hall door. Edme is standing by 

table, holding revolver, 

DICK 

Edme, what have you done? Edme — 
EDME (hysterically) 

Oh, I've killed him, I've killed him! 

MAGGIE 

What is it? What is it? 

EDME 

I couldn't help it. I had to. 

MRS. HAMMOND 

Edme! 

EDME 

It's true — I swear it's true. Oh, what shall I do — 
I've killed him. 

[^She tears at her collar; it comes undone and reveals a 
necklace underneath, 

MAGGIE 

Oh, my God, where did you get that necklace? 

EDME 

I couldn't help it — it was to save myself. 



PLOTS AND PLAYWRIGHTS 93 

MAGGIE 

That necklace — where did you get it? 

EDME 

It was my mother's — it was my mother's necklace. 

MAGGIE 

Mrs. Hammond — it's yours — it's the one I gave 
Miss Molly! 

MRS. HAMMOND 

Great heaven, child — who was your mother? 

EDME 

I never knew her. She died when I was born. 

MAGGIE 

It's Miss Molly's child — it's her Httle girl. Oh, God 

be praised. 
MRS. HAMMOND {embracing her) 

My child, my child, is this how I've found you! 
SID (rushes back) 

The police — they're out front! 

BESSIE 

We'll stand together, Sid, we'll stand together. 
[_Tom Burchy William Lloyd — now a dignified old 
gentleman — and two policemen enter, 

TOM 

Now, then, what's the row here? {He sees the body) 
My God! {To a 'policeman) Watch that door. {To 
the other) You get over there. {He points to door 
right) Now, then, who's done this? 

EDME 

I have. 

TOM 

You murdered this man? 



94 PLOTS AND PLAYWRIGHTS 

EDME 

Yes. 

TOM 

Put the bracelets on her, Ned. 

EDME 

Oh, no, not that, not that. 

SID 

Leave her be. She did it in self-defense. 

TOM 

Oh, there you are, Sid. Where's Bessie? 

BESSIE 

Here I am. 

TOM 

Glad to see you. Why, hello. Bob. So you're here 
too. 

BOB (dismally) 
Hello. 

TOM 

Who's going to explain? 

EDME 

I shot him; I had to. 

TOM 

That don't go. 

BESSIE 

What's wrong? 
TOM (wheeling) 
Sid Griffiths, you shot Frank. 

SID 

What! 

TOM _ _ 

You shot him because he doubled-crossed you. 



PLOTS AND PLAYWRIGHTS 95 

SID 

It's a Ke. 

TOM 

Where's the necklace? 

SID 

How should I know? 

TOM 

You're mixed up in this. 

SID 

No, sir, — not this time. 

TOM 

We'll see. Where's the necklace? 

BESSIE 

Most likely he's got it himself, 
{Pointing to Frank, 

TOM 

Well, I'll look and see. {Finds necklace) Good God! 
Is this your necklace, Mr. Lloyd? 

LLOYD 

Why, yes. Of course it is. 

TOM 

Which of you put it there? 

SID 

I never saw it before. 

BESSIE 

NorL 

TOM 

It'll be hard to prove that. Now, then, you'd better 
confess. You shot him for revenge, didn't you? 

DICK 

But, sir, he couldn't have. 



96 PLOTS AND PLAYWRIGHTS 

TOM 

Why not? 

DICK 

He was in that room with me. 

TOM 

Can you swear to that? 

DICK 

Yes, sir. 
[^Sensation, 

BESSIE 

The girl tells you she did it. 

EDME 

I had to. 

TOM 

It'll be up to you to prove that. 

EDME 

I will, I will. 

TOM 

Then I guess I can't hold you on that charge, Sid. 

\Jjren6ral sighs of relief. 

EDME 

Oh, Dick, can you ever forgive me? 

DICK 

Of course I can. 

[He takes her in his arms, 

SID 

Is that all you want? 

TOM 

Just a minute. Mr. Lloyd, is this the man you 
saw in your study? 



PLOTS AND PLAYWRIGHTS 97 

LLOYD 

I can't say, Mr. Inspector. It was my niece who 
discovered him. 

TOM 

Quite so. Where can we reach her? 

LLOYD 

I sent her a telegram — I thought you might need her. 
^Enter Alice, 

ALICE 

Oh, Uncle, I received your telegram. What is it? 
Have you found the thief? 

TOM 

Miss Merriam, would you know the man who broke 
into your uncle's house if you saw him again? 

ALICE 

Oh, yes, I saw him plainly. 

TOM 

Good. 
ALICE {discovering Sid) 
Oh, my God. There he is! That's the man. 

TOM 

Aha! Thank you very much, Miss Merriam. 
(With triumph) Well, I'll hold you for the robbery, 
Sid, and I guess you'll get ten years for it. 

BESSIE 

We were going to go straight if we got out of this — 
we were going to the coimtry. Oh, Mr. Lloyd, 
don't let them take Sid — we were going to get 
married. 

LLOYD 

He's a thief. 



98 PLOTS AND PLAYWRIGHTS 

BESSIE 

It was that man {points to Frank) got him to do the 
job, and that's the truth, so help me heaven. 
And he did it for my sake. He thought I wanted the 
money. {Edme produces a hankerchief and weeps) 
But I didn't. I wanted to go straight and Hve 
honest. 

(Mrs. Hammond and Dick are crying) If he goes up 
the river now, it'll be all up with us, we won't be able 
to start in again, we'll be too old. 
[^Bob and Maggie weep, 

LLOYD 

You sound as if you meant it. 

BESSIE 

I do, I do. Give us our chance, Mr. Lloyd, give us 

our chance. 

[^She breaks down; sobs loudly. The policemen have 

turned away. Their shoulders heave. Everybody is 

weeping. 

[Tense pause. 
LLOYD {very quietly) 

Don't cry, my girl, I'm going to withdraw the charge. 

[Every one exclaims with joy. The stage is suddenly 

darkened. The lights come on again, and the scene is 

the restaurant once more, 
HASTINGS {in horror) 

Stop, stop. It's unbelievable. I refuse to hear 

another word. 

CASPER 

My dear man, that play will nm a year on Broadway. 

HASTINGS 

My God, no! Impossible!! 



PLOTS AND PLAYWRIGHTS 99 

CASPER 

Do you mean to say — 
• \_They rise angrily. The waiter intervenes, 
WAITER {quickly) 

Gentlemen, gentlemen, I can't stand by and see you 
misunderstand each other in this way. You are both 
unfair. You, sir, have written a good play, and so 
have you. But if you compromise, gentlemen, 
taking a little from your play, and a little from yours, 
sir, you will have a better play — a play that is both 
artistic and popular. 

CASPER 

How do you know so much about the drama? 

WAITER 

I've had experience, sir. 

CASPER 

Experience! Who are you? 

HASTINGS 

Wait a bit. I've seen him somewhere before. 

WAITER 

Very possibly, sir. I used to work for Mr. Shaw, sir. 
[He goes. 

CASPER 

And, by Jove, he's right. That's it: you and I 
must collaborate. 

HASTINGS 

Collaborate! My dear sir, even your public won't 
stand for that. {He turns to the audience.) Will you? 

QUICK CURTAIN 
THE END 



■NUt 2 2 19 1< 



